These are just a few of the things I think about when I read Angie's awesome blog, I am in repair. Angie truly is wise beyond her years - so insightful and self-aware, more "adult" than most of the adults I know!
And talk about smart. First of all, getting the band in your early twenties is just freaking BRILLIANT! I know so many of us 30-40-50-somethings wished we had the opportunity to do this 10 or 20 years ago. Every time I read one of Angie's posts, I am just so thrilled for her -- knowing that she will be spared so many years of riding the weight loss roller coaster, and knowing that she has become the very best version of herself at such a young age.
I also totally love Angie's commitment to exercise, which is so inspiring. While serious exercise is not necessary for all successful Bandsters, I think many of us really do need it to reach our goals (um, like ME!)
Angie is the 24-year-old we all want to be when we "grow up."
Thanks Angie. You are a TOTAL success and completely HOT!
1. All about You!
Hi everyone! It was incredible of Gen to ask me to write here, and I am honored that you all feel like I am a superstar. I struggle to feel the same, and I’ll touch on that in here.
I am 24 years old and grew up in Toronto, Canada. I have struggled with my weight since childhood, and had not been in the normal BMI category since the age of seven. I was banded on March 4th, 2009.
I was banded by Dr. Chris Cobourn at the Surgical Weight Loss Centre in Mississauga, Ontario. As with all Canadian patients, I was self-pay with my surgery and after-care for life costing $16,000. This is obviously a great expense and I am beyond lucky that my family was able to incur this cost for me. I am quite happy with my experience at the SWLC - I have not seen my doctor since I was in the O.R. except for when a nurse brought him in to see how much I’d lost, but the nurses are incredible there and have provided me with a ton of support via e-mail and through their fills.
I did a pre-op diet from HELL. I was supposed to drink three Meditrim shakes a day for two weeks. I couldn’t get the down and consumed nothing but the occasional Diet Coke. I wish I was joking. It was a ridiculous and completely disordered move on my part, and I am lucky that I was able to have my surgery. Pre-op was ROUGH. Definitely the hardest part.
It’s funny - a therapist suggested I look into lap-band years ago. Bypass seemed too extreme and irreversible for me. However, Winter 08 my mom saw something about the Gastric Balloon procedure being performed at the SWLC. The balloon is inserted through the mouth and is kept in for six months and then removed. I liked how it seemed less serious, less... “I have to resort to surgery.” My mom and I went in for the consultation, and Dr. Cobourn told me frankly I was too big and too young for the balloon (the ideal candidate is the 40 year old woman who’s gained 40lbs post-divorce, apparently.) He also told me he thought I would do incredibly with the band... And the rest is history.
2. Your Weight Loss:
Please let us know your starting weight and/or size, and current weight and/or size
My highest weight was 270 and my current is around 160. I started at a 18 jean, 2XL and 24 dress, though I wouldn’t admit to myself I needed such big sizes and mostly stuck to leggings and tunics. I am currently a 28/29 jean, and depending on the top range from a medium in most things to a L in button downs. Dresses are harder with my chest still being quite large, but around a 12 now.
How long did it take you to get to your goal weight (or first 100 lbs. lost)?
I achieved my first 100lbs down on March 26th, so about two weeks over a year.
As you got closer to your goal, was your weight loss slower?
Absolutely. I had to check on that date, and realized, wow, I’ve been in the 160s for almost three months. But that’s ok. The 160s are pretty comfortable on me.
Did you experience plateaus? What did you do to shake up weight loss stalls?
Absolutely. And they’re rough. I mostly just persevered with the knowledge that if I continued to do everything right, then the weight would drop off.
I also had to step back and examine my choices a number of times. The band has stopped me from overeating, but it has far from made my emotional issues with food go away, and stopping to acknowledge that and be more mindful about is often enough to get me back on track.
How did you decide on a goal weight?
I chose the initial goal weight of 170 because it was a nice round 100 down. I am currently pressing on - my next goal is 155, and we’ll see how I do from there. I would love to get into the 140s, but I am waiting to see how I feel and look. As I said on my blog - this is all bonus. I’m healthy now.
Is your final goal weight considered “normal” on the BMI charts?
Yes - my BMI is currently 24.5. I spent most of my life hating on the BMI chart, and I’ll be the first to say it’s not right for everyone, but for me, I feel like it represents a healthy range.
3. All about Food!
Do you follow any of the band rules religiously? (For example, no drinking with meals, etc.)
I’m a bit of a rebel, but certain things I keep on track with. I mostly don’t drink with meals, I can’t, I will get stuck or uncomfortable, but if I’m out at a nice restaurant I will sip my wine throughout a meal.
I do however exercise a bare minimum of 6 hours a week, and strive for 10-12.
Which band rules do you think are most important?
I try to eat slowly and consciously. There was a time I was pb-ing too often, and I believe it was because I just hadn’t learned to really eat like a bandster yet. I think it’s incredibly important to exercise, and I think it’s also important to drink your water.
I am currently working on the rule of eating when I’m hungry but skipping it when I’m not.
Did you track calories or log your food while you were losing weight? Do you do this now?
Sometimes. It helps when you feel like you should be losing and you’re not, or to find out that pistachios are the delicious devil.
Did you measure your portions? Do you do this now?
Sometimes, but more because I’m curious as to what a portion looks like. Yesterday my mom and I bought pretzels with 130 cals/0.5g of fat for 40g/140 sticks. I wasn’t about to count out the sticks, so I used the food scale and realized half of that was more than enough for me.
Describe a typical day of eating for you, both during your weight loss phase and now.
And this is where I don’t feel like a superstar. I’m bad a lot of the time. I skip meals. I eat fast food. But I’ve gone into my old myfitnesspal.com account to give you an example from when I was more in the zone and then I’ll tell you about yesterday.
Weight Loss Mode:
Breakfast:
10am: Activia yogurt with homemade granola. Probably after the gym, because no matter how many times I’m told I never want to eat before I work out.
Lunch:
1:00pm 1.5 chicken fingers, a couple of fries, half a serving of coleslaw. I love that the band will let me eat these kind of foods when my life calls for it, and keeps the portion a lot smaller.
Snack: Skim milk latte, a couple of Oreos (remember, these are one of my trigger foods)
Dinner:
8:pm 1 glass Malbec, 1 crab cake (if a restaurant were serving two) with sauce, green beans and mashed potatoes.
11:00 100-calorie Ice Cream Sandwich.
When I type it out it’s not all bad, but I’m clearly not getting enough proteins or veg in. I also was kind of low on the calories when you considered how much I exercised. I’m writing this not because I think anyone should follow my diet. I do however hope that some newbie out there who feels like she can’t imagine dieting all the time and how her life would cope with the band can see that you don’t need to be perfect to lose with this device.
Now:
9:00 1-oz salted almonds and a 1/2 cup of apple juice. I was on a plane.
11:30 am leftover mexican - 2tbsp spanish rice, 1-oz steak, 1-oz cheddar with a bit of guac and sour cream.
3:00 2 swedish meatballs with half a serving of pretzels
5:00 an apple and half a banana
6:00 a ridiculous amount of homemade croutons when they came out of the oven
7:30 homemade caesar salad with croutons and sauteed garlic shrimp. About 3/4 salad with two shrimp.
9:30 two bites of a blizzard that my friend was eating when she came over.
Still not perfect - more fruit and veg and protein would be great. I’m working on it!
Some lap band practices tell patients to eat only 3 small meals a day; some say 3 meals plus 1 or 2 snacks; some say 5 or 6 small meals. What did you do when you were losing weight, and what do you do now?
I did and do 2-3 larger meals (sometimes breakfast is more snack-sized or skipped) with 1-3 snacks. It works for me. I probably don’t need most of the snacks, but I like em!
Approximately how many calories per day did you eat during your weight loss, and how many now?
It would range quite a bit, I’d say then it was in the 900-1300 zone, now it’s in the 1000-1400 zone... I lost best around 1200 I think.
What are some of your favorite band-friendly foods?
Mexican foods are great, crab cakes, protein-loaded chopped salads, chili.
Did you drink protein shakes during your weight loss phase? Do you now?
UGH. I hate protein shakes! Definitely not!
Did you follow any special “diet” plan during your weight loss – for example, low carb, counting points on Weight Watchers, etc.?
Nope! I had been on every diet out there before, I try to be healthy and avoid white flours, but I let everything in.
Are there any foods you cannot eat with the band (like meat, bread, etc.)?
White flour is hard in the form of really chewy breads, tortillas, pastas, etc. But there are days where I can get them in. It all depends, and if I go slowly enough I can tolerate almost everything.
What would a “splurge” day be like for you?
Every day kind of is - add some wine to yesterday and you’ve got one! I find the more I let myself just eat when I feel I need to and indulge when I want to the lower the pressure is. I get overwhelmed by this all pretty often, and I find that happens when I am trying too hard to be perfect and start to see any splurge as a failure.
4. All About Fills!
What size band do you have, and what amount of fill do you have?
I have an Allergen Small Lap-band, it has an 11cc capacity and I believe I’m somewhere in the 6s or 7s - I don’t really keep track, all it does is make me compare myself to others and that’s not helpful.
I think it took probably about 5, and then I’ve had a bunch since then to try to re-visit that spot. My clinic is conservative with fills as they are not something I have to pay for I can go back often.
Approximately how many weeks or months after surgery until you reached the “sweet spot”?
I started to really feel the difference around July or August, so 4-5 months post-up. I was losing up to that point, but that was the first time I felt like it got that bit easier was around then.
No
Can you drink water and other fluids easily at your fill level?
Yes, some early mornings thicker liquids like chocolate milk I have to be careful about chugging.
Do you get stuck and/or slime and/or PB very often?
Not if I’m smart. Unfortunately, sometimes I’m not very smart. I PB easily. If I feel a bit stuck or uncomfortable I can walk to the bathroom, bend over, and the food will often just come out. I have learned in the past 6 or so months that this is not the way to do it - I’m not bulimic and I shouldn’t be acting that way. Now I make a conscious effort to not eat foods that get me stuck, and to really wait it out if I get that familiar uncomfortable feeling.
5. Share Your Secrets!
And this is where I feel like a total fraud. I feel like somehow I’ve lost all this weight, but I don’t have the secrets, I just lived my way through it and came out skinny on the other side! Let me try my best though.
Tell us your best tips for losing weight with the band. What do you think contributed most to your success?
This one I can be sure about. Exercise. I exercise a ton. I love it. Which isn’t to say I don’t want to get up early some mornings to do it. But I do love it. I love having a trainer, I love the body exercise has given me. I struggle a lot with how my body looks... My concerns are bad enough to have affected relationships. The only thing that helps with that for me is exercise. I may hate my stomach, but if I know that I’ve got great arms that can support me through 120 push-ups and legs that let me do five-minute wall-sits, I feel stronger and better.
What advice do you have for Newbies? Is there anything you would have done differently if you could go back to the months right after your surgery?
Just be patient with yourself. I know it’s hard. It reminds me of my favorite quote though:
..."...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet
I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along this journey things will start happening. You’ll be just overweight and so stoked. You’ll start feeling strong. You’ll start feeling like the best version of you. Celebrate your successes and share your struggles. I did and I know I felt so much better when I realized how common my experience was, because sometimes I felt like I was the only one writing about them.
What is the best band-related advice you received?
To move my body. Everyday, I have the choice to eat 500 calories less to lose weight or to burn 500 calories exercising and get to eat what I want. For me, the choice is clear!
Another one that has been really important for me to remember is “Your lap-band will affect your weight loss. Don’t try to let it change your life, that’s your job.”
How did you deal with “head hunger”?
It’s really hard. I still really struggle. Acknowledge it for what it is. Try your best to ignore it. If for thirty minutes, you can’t, eat a reasonable portion of what you want. Think about how you feel. It sucks. It’s really hard and it’s one thing the band won’t change, that we have to find it inside ourselves to deal with.
Did you find the mental aspect of losing weight difficult? (Including, for example, no longer relying on food for stress relief, getting used to seeing yourself as a “thin” person, or anything else)? How did you deal with this?
Oh god yes. I don’t want you to get me wrong, I am loving being me. I feel amazing. I love putting on my new size 28 Fidelity Jeans. I love being able to shop with so much more ease. But it’s so hard. I feel like an imposter - a fat girl faking it as a skinny one, who at any moment could be found out. I struggled a lot with wanting impossibly perfect things, and feeling like being human as I am was a failure. I try to take comfort in knowing I am doing the best I could possibly do. It is very unfair that we can’t look the way we do had we never been overweight, but it is also not my fault, so not something I should feel guilty or ashamed about. I hope other people who read this have an easier time than I do. I think honestly I’m still just living my way through this one, my mind really needs to catch up to my body.
6. The Dreaded “E” Word: Exercise!
How long after surgery did you start exercising?
I started being active about 2 months post-op, but I didn’t get serious until 6 months.
What kind of exercise do you do, and how frequently?
I try to do at the very least two hours a week of phusia, a cardio dance class, 2 hours of spinning and 2 hours of personal training. When I do more it is more dance and spin and elliptical, not much more muscle work. I also do my abdominal and push-up routine every single morning.
Do you think exercise is important to your success?
Absolutely. It has allowed me to eat more, it has allowed me to feel strong and powerful, and it has connected me to and allowed me to love, for the first time, myself physically.
7. Issues with loose skin/plastic surgery
Have you had any issues with loose skin?
Yes. My stomach looks awful. I get really sad about it sometimes. I am terribly self-conscious about the lower half especially, but I know that until plastics there’s nothing I can do about it, so I try to remember how much more it bothers me than anyone else, who probably would barely notice it.
What are your thoughts about plastic surgery?
I’m all for it - just find me the time! I would like to get a tummy tuck probably next summer, and possibly a breast lift/reduction, depending on how much more they go down in the next 10-15lbs.
8. Anything else to tell us?
This journey has been amazing and amazingly hard all at once. I have done the thing I thought I could not do, and it’s an incredible feeling. I have to look at myself in the mirror and literally say it aloud sometimes “You are no longer fat.” Sometimes I feel so good, I feel beautiful and fit and I get lots of attention and I love it. Other days I feel fat and like a fraud and overvalued for something that isn’t truly me, and I hate it all. I try to just live it. Know that my body is winning the race right now, it is almost exactly where I want it to be, with of course one exception. My head however is still coming through this - and that’s ok. I’m trying to see the value in everything I struggle with. I was speaking with a friend, telling him how I had been asked to write this and I felt like I shouldn’t, because I don’t feel like a success. And he told me that that is the very reason I should. I hope I can be the person out there who struggled along this path - but has made it out alive and healthier. I don’t know when I’ll feel like a success, but I know for now I’ll just keep living as well and as holistically as I can.
Thank you all for all your support through this journey. I never attended a single in-person support group, but I could not feel more supported by our bandster community. I love you all.
THANK YOU ANGIE!
P.S. Watch for Angie's Before and After Pics in the next S.O.B. Stories post!
THANK YOU ANGIE!
P.S. Watch for Angie's Before and After Pics in the next S.O.B. Stories post!
